There once was a young girl named jo;
Who thought across America we should go;
The time couldn't be better;
If you don't count the weather;
So it's ocean to ocean we go.
There once was a young man named Tom;
Who came home one day and told his wife with aplomb;
I closed my business today;
Get your bike, we're riding across the USA;
And Nell said, "Why Tom, you've delivered, quite a bomb!"
There once was a young girl named Nell;
Who treats us all really quite well;
And she rides when she can;
And when she doesn't, she makes plans;
And from time to time, she's also been known to stay at the motel.
There once was a young man named Jeremy;
Who's so spooky I tell you he's scarin' me;
He says he doesn't sleep;
And looks like he doesn't eat;
But he goes by on a bike and he's still burying me.
Tom Matchak was sitting at home;
And decided to leave his daughter a note;
It said; "I'm going across the USA;
On a bike I just built today;
And don't worry, this shouldn't take me long."
Marianne is our Queen of the Cute;
Even when she cleans her bike she's a beaut;
And everybody just loves;
Her purple surgical bike cleaning gloves;
And she has all her own tools to boot.
There once was a young man named Lance;
Who, when you look at him, he kinda reminds you of that family from France;
And if you read what he routes;
While you're riding, you'll have doubts;
If maybe when he wrote this he must have been in some kind of trance?
(If maybe he had his head stuck up his pants)
There once was a young poet named Dan;
Who took a job as a bike router man;
He said, "I just know they'll all curse;
As they're reading my verse;
Because I have no idea what 'moderate' means..." oh, Dan, oh, Dan, oh, Dan.
There once was a young girl named Mary;
Who is so smart and pretty it's scary;
But when it comes to salad fixin';
She is truly "The Salad Vixen;"
For when they eat it, all men and some women, want Mary to marry.
Gentle Ben is more sensitive than you think;
I mean, he doesn't sit round writing poems with paper and ink;
But what ever you do;
Ben's always there for you;
And for a guy, he looks surprisingly festive in pink.
Madeline is the Goddess of Touch;
There is no one else like her here as such;
Because she heals with her heart;
Our banged up body parts;
I guess that's why we all love her so much.
Peter Nevin is our Nectar juice man;
He gets a kick out of putting a bottle in our hand;
As he juices us daily;
He drives along gaily;
And thinks he looks darn good in a big purple van.
There once was a young man named Rich;
Who decide young, he'd grow up to be a rich Rich;
But he then changed his mind;
And said, "No, I'll be just fine;
Instead, I'd much rather stay here and listen to all of you bitch."
Derrick is our King of Mechanics;
He's the one who fixes the results of our antics;
I love the way he just grins;
And then scratches his chin;
As the rest of us all run round in panics.
There once was a young girl named Betty;
Who typically pays for all our spaghetti;
And keeps the payment books straight;
So Rich will say, "Sweet. That's just great!"
And not have to look through receipts like confetti.
There once was a young girl named Donna;
Who became all of ours surrogate Momma;
But when we all decided to moan;
Oh, Donna, please take us all home;
Donna said with a pause, "Nah...I don't wanna."
There once was a young man named Dave;
Who worked in an office like a slave;
Now he does what he likes;
Blazing past us on bikes;
As we all look on and just wave.
There once was a young man named Tyler;
Who wasn't much of a time while-er;
He prefers riding fast;
So his bike isn't last;
That Tyler -- what a smiler -- that Tyler.
There once was a young man named Mick;
Who figured out early just what makes the world tick;
But he won't tell you the clue;
Unless you know it too;
He just says, "Ah, mate, you know it's kind of a trick."
There once was a young man named Albert Besuyen;
Who asked a group of riders, "Hey, where are you going?"
They said, "We can't stay;
We're going cross the USA;
And he said, "Thanks, I'll come to. That's something worth knowin'."
There once was a young man named Poeka;
Who always orders the Super-huper-duppy-duka;
And no matter what place;
They just read in his face;
And know he just ordered a party -- and isn't that super!
Though John's entertainment values are quite high;
He simply loves the film, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High;"
He's seen it 10 times;
And he knows all the lines;
He even got a complementary copy of it from his video guy.
Dianne decided to ride cross the states;
But didn't want it to make her too late;
So she gets up early each day;
When we wake, she's gone away;
And she misses the heat and thinks that's just great.
There once was a young man named Robin;
Out of whose carrier things started bobbin;
So he rode back to say;
I'm missing my wallet today;
And it looks like somebody's robbin' Robin.
There once was a young girl named Renee;
Who keeps seeing more and more of the USA;
From the seat of her bike;
And everything, she seems to like;
Because we notice she smiles every day.
Alan and Margaret all at once got a notion;
And put their tandem in a big Co-motion;
They said, "We can't just sit here;
Let's start pedaling, my dear;
And we'll stop after we've ridden ocean to ocean."
Marc Berry retired in May;
Closed his house and then quickly moved away;
He said, "I plan to lose some weight;
and this cycling plan should be just great;
And on top of it, I get to see the whole USA."
There once was a Texan named Rick;
Who can divide 4 numbers into 4 numbers in his head real quick;
Now, he can't always remember;
Which month is September;
But still, you gotta admit, that's a pretty good trick.
There once was a young girl named Kendra;
Who on her bike had a slight fender bendra;
And she apologized with a frown;
After she knocked Alan down;
But she said, "Don't think this is my trip going to end-dra!"
There once was a young man named Josh;
Whose bedroll was decorously posh;
And there he'd sleep until late;
But then still pass us all right out of the gate;
Telling himself jokes, and then saying, "Oh, gosh!"
Alana was known to cut men's hair;
And she could perform this feat anywhere;
Said the guys, "Do be kind;
And leave a little covering my mind;"
But Alana just cut, because she knew nobody cared!
Jim and Gail tried to get up every day;
And beat the heat before it toasted them away;
So before the sun;
They would always be gone;
But just where they went, they never would say.
There once was a young man named Brent;
Who took notes down wherever he went;
Whether it was old cabin logs;
Or the habits of our friend the prairie dogs;
While Heather wondered if this was such a healthy bent?
There once was a young girl named Heather;
Who made you think it was always sunny weather;
But in her heart she loved cold;
While in Jackson, we all thought it got old;
But she just smiled and said, "In Canada, the winters are even better."
There once was a young girl named Nancy;
Who always dresses sort of fancy;
But when I asked her how she chose;
To always wear the right clothes;
She said, "I just don't wear stuff that looks antsy."
There once was a young girl named Erika;
Who rode her bike around here-ika and there-ika;
But now she'll decide;
To do the longest yet ride;
Across the whole bloody United States of America.
There once was a young man named Brian;
Who doesn't like to get up early, but he's tryin';
He said, "If we could sleep until 8:00;
I think that would be great;
But if I said I was happy about being up before 9:00, I'd be liein'.
There once was a young girl named Verna;
Who always was a quick learner;
So around she did tool;
Looking collected, calm, and cool;
Even while riding through the South Dakota furnace.
Alec doesn't really do a lot of walkin';
But when he flies by on his bike he leaves us gawkin;
And he's a polite young man;
Doing the best that he can;
And he generally lets his riding do the talkin'.
There once was a young girl named Julie;
Who every day fashions a smile for us all brand new-ly;
But there are times though;
She pictures herself riding in snow;
But not counting that, she's having a wonderful time, truly.
There once was a young man name Uli;
Who found himself in the middle of a cattle drive and said, "Bulli!"
But the cowpoke said, "Hey Bud;"
"Don't go stepping in that mud;"
But Uli said, "This is where I've dreamed of being since I was a little boy in school-i!"
There once was a young man named Bill;
Who writes limericks when he's feeling ill;
If you don't get the laugh;
He hopes you just let it pass;
Because nobody wants to listen to a pill.
(And an on the spot rebuttal from Lance)
There once was a rider named Bill;
Who like to write poems to thrill;
man, it seemed nifty;
Till he got close to fifty;
And he redefined overkill.